A Transformational Adventure
By Cam Hamoline
I attended the 2003, Kelly Tobey ten day
life enriching retreat held at the Scenic River Lodge on the North
Saskatchewan river, approximately forty-five minutes west of Edmonton.
This natural setting facilitated a transformational, life enriching
experience. Trees, horses, northern lights, star lit nights, flowing
water, and coyotes howling in the distance contributed to the connected
feeling that I experienced during this retreat.
The retreat opened with a mixer
that helped all thirty of us to get to know each other. A brief over
view of the next ten days was presented, and guidelines for expectations
and personal conduct were established by consensus. A feeling of privacy
and safety was established from the start and was maintained throughout.
This enabled a foundation of trust and stability, which in turn provided
for an environment that facilitated intimacy, healing and empowerment.
Each day started with a healthy
breakfast of gourmet food. Dancing music signaled the start of each days
group session and we made our way down to the common room where we were
encouraged to dance or move about for approximately ten minutes. When
the music stopped, we would each pick a chair and be seated in a circle.
Group sharing and healing sessions contained exercises and rituals that
were at times mental, emotional, physical and spiritual. This provided a
holistic approach to healing and empowerment.
These sessions were mostly
interactive and experiential. Kelly did little of the talking head
intellectual seminar type of presentation, although some pertinent and
practical ideas were explained and discussed. It became clear from the
outset, that Kelly had befriended his ego and did not use the sessions
as an opportunity to spout his theories about life. Every moment, of
every group healing session was used to address the needs of the
participants who had come for personal growth.
Kelly’s leadership style is
one of invitation and intuitive guidance, never control or salesmanship.
His timing was impeccable and skill impressive, as he seemed to have a
sixth sense about which questions to ask, whose issues to address and
who to focus on. Each day I was reminded of Kelly’s ability to guide
others to openly share their thoughts and feelings. He seemed to know
who was most in need on that particular day and which issues to address.
Questions were not invasive or prying but rather posed as invitations to
share feelings and thoughts. Feelings were always validated and honored
when they were expressed. Kelly never pushed or interrupted, but rather
gently guided each person toward personal growth. As participants became
more comfortable, trust was built and deeper work became possible as
deep-seated issues were uncovered and dealt with.
Also impressive was Kelly’s
timing in moving away from the problem and into the solution. I have
attended workshops that became; let me tell my story over and over,
where problems were simply affirmed. This is not constructive or healing
in my opinion. I have also witnessed what I consider to be the other end
of the scale when participants have been encouraged to avoid telling
their story and to avoid expressing their feelings. I do not consider
this constructive either. "It is time to get over it" can be a
dishonoring statement that discourages intimacy and vulnerability. Also
counterproductive, I feel, is what I have heard described as the
spiritual bypass, the la, la, la, lets pretend we have no pain and
simply affirm that Spirit is everywhere and everything is fine, tactic.
I believe that a balance must be found between denying or avoiding our
story and wallowing in it. Kelly’s style of facilitating has this
balance. Those sharing were allowed and encouraged to express their pain
as well as their joy, but not encouraged to wallow in their story. There
does come a moment when it is constructive for a facilitator to
introduce a different perception or the healing power of a spiritual
focus. Kelly demonstrated an ability to sense the precise moment to
suggest a different perception or to introduce the concept of a Higher
Power that can heal our wounds. He has a sixth sense about when it is
most constructive to introduce a different way of thinking.
Some of my own deep-seated
issues came to the forefront and I was given a microphone and served as
focus person for a time during one of the sessions. I expressed my
feelings and they were validated. No feelings were left behind
unexpressed, unfelt or not dealt with. Kelly shared openly about his
life experience and offered his perceptions. I am grateful to have had
this opportunity to uncover some deep seated feelings of shame that were
still active within me and for the opportunity to move past the
limitations that they were causing. I have felt lighter ever since.
Many different healing and
empowerment techniques were used. These included writing, raging,
boundary setting practice and other symbolic healing exercises. Pairs of
names were drawn from a hat and each of us was assigned a buddy with
whom to share thoughts and feelings. We were also divided into smaller
groups and assigned a team leader that facilitated shorter meetings.
Each team leader was an experienced person who had attended previous
workshops. Team leaders were also active during group sessions,
providing support where needed.
The day’s formal activity
ended with a gratitude circle where each of us had a chance to share
about what we were most grateful for. Each day also had some
unstructured time that allowed for nature walks, swimming in the river
and socializing. One highlight for me was the afternoon of river rafting
on The North Saskatchewan.
Handouts were generous and
useful. The cost at $1750 included all food and accommodations and is
surely some of the best money I have ever spent. Payment plans were
available. The entire ten days had a feeling of synchronicity, a feeling
that I was in the right place, at the right time and doing the right
thing.
Cam Hamoline, Science Of Mind Practitioner,
Saskatoon, SK