Highlights from the Winnipeg Workshop

The Dance of Relationships 

Review by Carol Marshall  

Lets face it.  Relationships will always be around us.

Often when thinking of being in relationship, we think of a primary relationship.  The reality is, the most important primary relationship is the one with self.  If relationship with self is lacking, how could we possibly have anything to offer anyone else? 

Thursday evening we had a wonderful turn out once again.  I was thrilled to see so many people wanting to discover how to add more richness to all their relationships.  It really doesn’t matter if you are dancing solo or dancing with a partner.  There was information for all of us.

We worked with a handout sheet titled “ Amplifying Relational Awareness” 

My core debilitating beliefs about relationships are……………..

There was a list of examples on this handout such as; 

Ø     It is my job to make the people I care about happy.

Ø     I have to be perfect to deserve love.

Ø     If I am not in a primary relationship. It means I am a failure.

Those are just a few of the examples given, so we could have a look at what our core beliefs are in regards to some of our relationships.  We were given some time to journal, which was very insightful for me.

One of the participants shared with the group, her lack of trust around people following through on their commitments.  She felt abandon by her father.  He always made promises to her and never followed through on those promises. Her father has since passed away and she was carrying huge grief for all that lost time and loss of that relationship.

Kelly was able to make her aware that she has tried to fill that void by caring for others the way she wants to be cared for, she listens to people the way she would like to be listened too.  This really hit home with me.  I could totally relate. 

Another participant shared that he was always told it is better to give then to receive.  This was instilled in him, by his mother from a very young age. Kelly pointed out, if everyone is giving then who is receiving?   We all deserve to receive.

On Friday Kelly took care of some house keeping before we started.  I love his style of facilitating. At every workshop Kelly always mentions that we are always in choice.  I don’t have to believe everything I hear, from him or others.  I can use my discernment and discover for myself what feels right for me.  I get to choose what works for me and it is up to me what I want to get out of this workshop.   So I can decide if I would rather dance the Cha Cha, or perhaps I am more in the mood for a Waltz. 

We chose our small groups and then, we each picked our cards for the weekend.  We each got a Challenge card– Way Through card - and a Gift card.

Shortly after that we met with our small group and discussed the themes on the cards we chose and why we thought we may have picked our cards

Saturday morning, someone had a process around being true to himself. He shared how in his past relationships he had betrayed himself to remain in a primary relationship, and he just can’t do this anymore.  This discussion led us into grieving some of our lost relationships.

What if we are attracted to more than one person?  How do we share time with each person, and is it our job to protect others from how they may be feeling?   Kelly also pointed out that if we aren’t in a primary relationship we can view other couples relationship as a mentorship to what we might want, or not want, in relationship.   We all like different styles of music and dance.  So just because I like the Fox Trot for instance, I can’t just assume that every potential partner may want to do the Fox Trot with me.

It is important to share the desired of the style of relationship we looking for, before entering into a primary relationship.  For example we might be looking at dating several people at once, and someone else maybe looking to be in a monogamous relationship.  Neither person is wrong in their choices, but they may not choose to get into a relationship with each other because they are both looking at a different style of relationship.  Basically, they are looking for a different dance partner.

Kelly gave us another handout sheet to work with, “ Steps to Receiving Successful Relationships.” Which had a multitude of ideas for creating healthy relationships.   We where asked to bring to mind a relationship.  Once we chose a relationship, we were asked to read the handout then journal about how the steps might support the relationship we had chosen to focus on.

The next process was all around feeling worthy of love.  The participant had never felt wanted or loved from early childhood, into her adulthood.

Kelly spoke with her about deserving love and feeling worthy. We all deserve to be loved.   To help her receive love, the team and participants created a cradle.  All she had to do was lie in our arms and receive love from all of us!!!  This was so powerful!

On Sunday we started the day off with another process.  The participant was dealing with trust in a relationship, and jealousy. Kelly talked about enmeshment with our partners.

There was also some grieving over loss. And talk of past history. We all have a past, but it is important to remember we are not our past history and people do change.  We are always changing.  We are not our yesterdays.

Kelly gave us some helpful hints that may indicate when we are enmeshed within a relationship.  Giving to take, scarcity, neediness, attachment to form, and statement like “  If you really loved me you would ………”

Kelly talked to us about being in a free will zone. And giving love equally.  When trying to make a decision it could be very helpful to ask ourselves “what would love ask of me?”

Appreciating our partners makes our relationships richer, but if we feel unworthy of love and don’t appreciate our selves, we might not share appreciations with our partners.  For example if we see our self as small, we may not give gratitude in fear that our partner will see them selves as better than, and leave. 

We may sometimes think that other person is  “THE SOURCE” of all our happiness instead of realizing that they are “A SOURCE.” This sets us up to attach to them.

Others may try so hard to be independent in their life which is impossible to do as we all are dependent.

Kelly used a new term that I had never heard of before.  Multi-dependency

For example:  When I go to the grocery store, to purchase some vegetables.  The grocery store had to depend on the delivery truck to bring the vegetables and the delivery truck had to depend on the farmer to grow the vegetables, and so on.  This is just one example of multi-dependency. Kelly talked about one of our primary dependencies being on love, but rather than attaching to one person as a source we can open into multi-dependency and discover that although we cannot escape dependency, those dependency needs can always be met. The Universe is always providing many sources of love such as primary partnership, nature, creative flow, pets, direct connection to Spirit, friends, family, meditative connection to self, to name a few. 

The entire workshop was filled with a wealth of information and insight.

For me the biggest thing I received was the importance of my relationship with me.  I know I will continue to attend Kelly’s workshops because I want to continue being the best me!!!!!!