The Real Power of Now
by Kelly Tobey
There is much written and spoken about hiding from, or missing, the present, by living in the so-called past or the so-called future. I agree, it is something to watch for. Whenever we are hiding from part of the whole of life (in this case, from the present moment) we miss out on living a unified, full experience. I would suggest the same drawbacks apply if we are attempting to live in an idea of a
"now" that is so limited that it excludes the thoughts, feelings and experiences of the so-called past or future
which are in reality, part of what makes up the entirety of what we are in this moment. Under the pretense of attempting to
"be here now" some people are unconsciously trying to hide from a much bigger now which includes all of the so-called past and future. Because the so-called past and future may hold things we have a fear of, we may use various methods to attempt to extinguish them, including hiding in a limited idea of now.
I would suggest that it is impossible to be fully empowered in the present moment if we are expending part of our power by attempting to push away or suppress that which we have labeled past or future.
Many people have the idea that we can actually be living in the past, or in the future, rather than the present. I would propose that it is impossible.
We may have our mind focused on our idea of what the past is, or what
the future is, or even what the present is. Yet I would suggest that
regardless of what our mind is focused on we are still always living in the present and that as our awareness grows our present becomes big enough to include, in an integrated way, all our so-called past and all our so-called future. I would suggest that the way we transcend time, is by including it, not by attempting to push it away.
There are many techniques taught with the intention of getting away from, or pushing out thoughts of the past or of the future. Most of them take a lot of time, effort and discipline yet have fleeting results.
What if embracing those thoughts of the so-called past and so-called future in an appropriate way could actually lead us to integrating our inherent wholeness?
If true power comes with recognizing our connection to Oneness, then any technique that attempts to shut out that awareness will obviously leave us feeling incomplete and less powerful than our inherent potential.
If particular thoughts about the so-called past or so-called future drain our energy or take away from our ability to feel fully empowered in this moment, I would suggest that these thoughts are actually indicators, and if followed would lead us to parts of our big self, that right now in this moment, we are rejecting. When we push away part of who we are it will naturally attempt to push back into our consciousness, wanting to be included. This ongoing inner struggle of pushing away
that which wants our attention is what depletes our power and keeps us from experiencing the full potential of the present moment.
I would suggest that making peace with our so-called past and with our so-called future is what will set us free to feel the fully integrated power of each moment.
Once we fully embrace who we are and re-integrate the parts of ourselves that we've pushed away
because of our fear or
judgment of them, we will naturally and effortlessly be fully and powerfully present in the now.
Once integrated, it takes no mind games, no techniques, no discipline, no special meditation space or practice to be present. Instead, we become naturally present in everything we do,
in walking, talking, cooking, cleaning, driving, working, playing, or whatever. All our actions start to come from a totally inspired place and are a natural unfolding. We have no past that we have to feel fearfully driven to get away from, because it has become integrated into our present being. We have no future that we feel driven to get to or driven to avoid, because when living from an integrated wholeness we know we'll have inspiration and guidance that will lead us into our best possible future, moment by moment.
We will never reach this awakened state by rejecting who we are or by
rejecting the experiences we've had or are having. The more we make peace with our so-called past and future, then the more we recognize our connection to oneness, which naturally leads to spending more time in an awakened, powerful place.
You may say "Great, nice theory, but how can it be applied in a practical way to every day life?"
Look for so-called past or future thoughts that you feel are interfering with you being fully present in this moment. If it feels like interference, then you know you are fighting with it. It's actually the fighting with it, or the attempt to reject it, that is causing the interference. Any thought we fight, is likely an indicator that we are fighting with a deeper part of ourselves
of which this thought is a symbol.
If we would follow it, this thought could lead us to that deeper part of ourselves
that needs to be addressed and integrated.
Most of these rejections are tied up with one or more feelings that we are uncomfortable with addressing.
Many of us are immature to varying degrees when it comes to facing feelings. This isn't surprising given the lack of training and support we
receive in regards to integrating feelings into our life in an appropriate way.
Thankfully this is starting to change as the collective consciousness
about feelings is expanding.
Typically we are not really as resistant to the thoughts we reject, as we are resistant to the feelings underneath the thoughts. Many so-called thoughts of the past or of the future can lead us to feelings that want to be integrated rather than rejected. We may feel plagued by these thoughts and get irritated at how they seem to interfere with our finding peace in the present moment. But what if they are friends that can lead us to embracing the feeling parts of ourselves
that we've long rejected?
Often our fear is that if we embrace our traumatic thoughts, or experiences, or feelings of the past, that it will lead
into them being played out in our life again. So we try to reject it all and put it out of our mind and our being. But the truth is, we often reject important parts of ourselves during traumatic experiences in an attempt to protect ourselves. If we don't reclaim those rejected parts, it is common for us to recreate similar traumatic experiences over and over again.
These repeats represent unconscious attempts to get us to look at the parts we have rejected
so we can re-integrate them. If we don't voluntarily go in and face the old traumas and re-integrate the parts of ourselves we've rejected,
it is typical that our unconscious patterns will recreate similar traumas over and over again until we do face it and do the appropriate integration work.
Here is one example from a compilation of people I have worked with. A man sits in meditation attempting to still his mind by emptying it of thoughts. He typically has a continuing stream of thoughts when he sits to meditate. With the use of various meditation techniques and with the spending of a long enough time practicing them, every once in a while he will hit a sweet spot of peace. Unfortunately "busy mind" returns much more frequently than he would like.
If this man decided to look at, and integrate, what "busy mind" had to show him rather than trying to get rid of it, he would find that "peace of mind" would be available to him much more frequently. It would not only be more available in his meditations but in his every day activities as well.
So let us say this man decides to investigate. He could look for a category of thoughts to start with. He identifies a category he calls "worrying thoughts". These are over abundant thoughts about things he did that might not have the results he would like. What he did at work, what he did with his family, what he did with his friends, etc. etc. He over analyses the possible outcomes and what he thinks he should have done differently. Even though, as he sits in meditation, he knows logically that it would be okay to not keep churning over these thoughts, they seem to keep coming almost uncontrollably.
The good news is, that this is a perfect entry point for discovering deeper levels of himself that are trying to get his attention. If he doesn't have the skills to follow the upcoming process to completion, he invites in support to help guide him.
Without going into every detail of every step, here is the general progress of his journey of exploration: The man uses his intuition and memory to go to the source of how the "worrying style" got set up. He remembers that when he was quite young his father was away a lot trying to earn enough for the families survival. His mother was quite sick and incapable of looking after things on her own. She relied heavily on him to look after things around the house. With the combination of his young age and his lack of instruction or help from his sick mother or his absent father he ended up making many mistakes. Even when he tried his best and had some successes it was still never enough to take care of everything. He never felt good enough. Both his parents carried frustration about the circumstances of the family and would often take it out on their son through the form of severe punishments.
During a rare occasion when he went out to play and find some "peace of mind", his mother died. In his little boy mind, he decided that if he would have stayed home he could have saved his mother from death. Because that was too scary of a thought to deal with, he buried it in his subconscious mind in an attempt to get away from it.
When his father found him crying about the loss of his mother he demanded that he "be brave" and stop crying. The boy did his best to suppress his feelings. This meant also trying to suppress his thoughts about the trauma because the thoughts would start to trigger the feelings. He trained himself well. It wasn't until this moment as an adult that he let himself remember. So for all these years the man was plagued by patterns of stress and worry even though they didn't make sense to him at a conscious level.
The remembering was just the first step. He then had to see his innocence and forgive himself for not being capable of saving his mother from death. He had to shed his unexpressed tears of grief over the loss of his mother. He had more tears of grief for the years he'd lived separate from knowing his innocence. He had to experience his anger at his parents for putting so much pressure on him as a child. He had to search further to separate the innocence of who his parents were at their essence, out from the inappropriateness of their abusive behavior towards him. It helped to understand that they didn't have the wisdom, resources, or support to deal with their frustration at the time. It helped when he talked of this with his father and his father was sincerely apologetic for his abusive behaviors. It helped when his father too shed unexpressed tears of grief about the loss of his wife. It helped when the man acknowledged how much he had contributed to the family as a child and when his father thanked him for those contributions.
The man now knows that he doesn't have to constantly worry about the results of his actions in his present life. He no longer carries the unconscious guilt from the idea that he caused his mothers death by his actions, or the unconscious fear that he will be punished for any mistake he makes like he was as a child. He no longer needs to feel a lack of permission for his tears. He faced his feelings on this matter and not only did he survive those deep feelings, it felt cleansing and empowering to do so. He now has more peace of mind in his every day life, as well as his meditations.
Now I'd like to say that this man lived peacefully ever after, but alas no, turns out he was like most of us. He had many other aspects of his history that needed to be addressed so their distortions could be cleared up. What I can say is this man has more peace of mind than he did previously. Each piece of his foundational past he cleans up brings him longer periods of peace of mind.
Of course all this takes focus and effort. It's no wonder that many people espouse the ideas of "it's in the past, just forget about it and get on with your life" or " if you just meditate long enough you'll be able to be present". It would be great if it was that simple, but I can't say I've ever met anyone that actually pulled peace of mind off by limiting themselves to those techniques. I have met some people that like to pretend they have, and even those that can manage it temporarily, but in the long run it seems that our unowned history always comes back to be integrated. The key to peace seems to be in the integration of a now that includes the wholeness of who we are, with none of it suppressed.
So my suggestion is to be willing to explore that which we usually push away. If
we don't feel safe enough or knowledgeable enough to explore on our own, seek out someone that will help
create a safe container for this work and who will keep us on track as
we move through it.
Personally, even though I've studied this work for years and have facilitated thousands of explorations with people taking these journeys of integration, I still often choose to seek out someone to help create a safe container and keep me on track when I do my own personal work in this area. I find that joining with someone I trust will often bring more safety to the process and
will facilitate my willingness to touch into the more threatening and more unconscious areas that still need to be integrated.
I would suggest that if you decide to do this integrative work, first root out any propaganda your mind may give you about how you should do everything
on your own, or that co-creatively working through your process with another person is a sign of weakness. It's really a sign of ignorance if we hold on to our independent stance and ignore our own guidance towards co-creativity. It is a sign of wisdom to be open to co-creativity when it is
appropriate. Rather than weakening our possibilities of success it can strengthen them.
We may be capable of going through much of this on our own, but with
appropriate support the journey is typically many times faster.
Once you have established your freedom of choice to either do this work individually or to do it with others, it leaves you open to follow your hunches and
intuitions. So if it does serve you to have guides for some of this work, you will be led to the appropriate ones.
I wish you the best on your journey.