Men’s
Work
by Kelly Tobey
Cassette
tape, $10 plus $3 S&H + tax from StarTree Integration Adventures
3310
38 St. SW Calgary AB T3E 3G5.
Review
by Andrew MacDonald for Everyman Magazine
This
is a cassette recording of a talk, a guided experience and a question
and answer period given in Edmonton by Calgarian Kelly Tobey. Although
the tape volume level varies reducing it’s technical quality, Tobey
provides solid information on men’s experience of the world and on our
relations with women. The talk, given to a mixed audience, provides a
valuable model for a presentation to men and women on gender issues.
People working professionally in this area will benefit from the tape,
as will those who are interested in gender issues for personal reasons.
Tobey’s
style is relaxed, informative, honest and unassuming. No veneer. His
talk on the way men are, stayed clear of statistics and cut to the
underlying psychosexual dynamics between the genders. Men, he says, are
often still in competition for women’s and ultimately for mother’s
approval. Many of us stay lifelong in a little-boy place. Women, for
their part, are frequently still little girls trying to get boys/men to
fulfill their needs and look after them, emotionally if not financially.
As
for men’s relative maladroit approach to feelings, Tobey’s take is
that men and women are in agreement about what is allowed in terms of
feelings. Both are responsible for the apparent advantage of women.
Women, he says, often want the man to go out there and bring back the
bread, and not indulge in feelings. (When this point was made, a woman
in the audience wryly said “Yup”, to her own and general laughter.
Several good laughs punctuate the tape and add to its easygoing feel.)
He makes the point that men have an incredible amount of courage in
their heart, their “warrior side”, once they’ve given themselves
the permission to go in.
The
information presented isn’t new; it is, however, the vital stuff to
know, the stuff we often overlook or forget because our society
understands and supports it so poorly. What’s more, it’s congruently
presented and well modeled. In the question period, men and women shared
their experience around an inner work exercise. I found this moving; we
need more examples of men and women listening and speaking to each other
openheartedly.
The
guided meditation was about learning that the things we need to
understand about men and women are inside us, and that we’ll find them
if we really look.
I
found myself inspired and educated by the tape. Kelly’s material and
leadership quality deserve a professionally produced version, but in the
meantime, the present one takes us a step in the tight direction.
Men’s
Work is one of 21 audio tapes by Kelly Tobey. Other titles of interest
to men include Men: Integrating the Deep Masculine, and Brothers and
Sisters Supporting the Journey. All are $10 + S&H + tax from
StarTree Integration Adventures 3310
38 St. SW Calgary AB T3E 3G5. Phone orders, (403) 217-5533
Andrew
C. MacDonald trains and supports individuals and groups in learning
Focusing, a body-centered process of personal development and
self-directed therapy.