MEN: Looking For Integrity
by Kelly Tobey
Many men in our society fall into one of two common strategies for living out their life. One strategy is to attempt to dominate and control. At it's
extreme; this is the style of the aggressive macho man. To some, this may look like power, but in truth it is an over compensative pseudo power strategy that is acted out because the man is not connected to true power at his core. A man who is connected to true power is full of confidence and has no need to attempt to show others he is strong by dominating them.
The other strategy is for a man to attempt to live out a nice guy role, making everyone else's needs more important than his own. This man can easily be controlled and manipulated because his need to please others is so strong. He too is disconnected from true power. Typically, he's afraid of power because he associates it with the pseudo power attempts of the aggressive macho man, or with the industrialist who has
forsaken the guidance of heartfelt inspiration when carelessly building empires
for ego enhancement, without regard for other people or the environment.
There are also the men that flip from one strategy to the other. At it's
extreme; it's the nice guy next door who tried to live his life for everyone else. One day he gets tired of all the sacrifice,
"flips out" and starts shooting people down with a rifle.
Of course, most men don't live out the far extremes of those polar opposites, but
it is typical for a man's behavior to have the flavor of one style, or the other.
These styles show up in men's sex lives as well. On one side is the man that is trying to dominate his partner, often pushing for more sex than the partner wants to have. On the other side is the man who is flaccid around sex. He is carrying unconscious fears that if he really stepped into the power of his sexuality that it would lead him into trying to dominate or control his partner in sex.
By the way, if you are still carrying around the myth that most men are always ready for sex whenever they can get it, just take a look at the millions of prescriptions for Viagra that are sold in North America. These prescriptions are not all being used by old men!
When a man carries a conscious or unconscious belief that strength is
always destructive, the belief will sabotage his bodies ability to
remain strong and erect. This is an unconscious attempt to protect his
partner from harm.
Between the passive style of the soft male and the aggressive style of the macho man is a style that is balanced.
There is a flexibility to be gentle when appropriate and to be assertive
when appropriate. It is a style that acknowledges that true power is available when everyone involved is included and respected. This is the man that considers what is best for
him and for others before he acts. His response is guided by what he feels is truly most beneficial for everyone. He is willing to go into action guided by his
integrity and his intuitive wisdom, regardless of whether he is approved of by others or not. He considers the opinions of others and may use them to help develop his decisions, but not if it betrays his integrity.
