Tips For Conflict Resolution

by Kelly Tobey

1. If conflict arises it is typical to start listening to fear’s directions, which are typically based in either holding a position (fight), or going numb (freeze), or collapsing and not standing up for what is important to us (flight). None of these strategies resolve the issue. In fact they create more disconnection from the other(s) involved.
   

2. Resolution is better found through joining with those involved and with our intuitive guidance to come up with a joint solution.
   

3. Ask spirit to remind you that this person is not your enemy just because you are not in agreement with each other presently. It helps at this point to bring to mind those things that you appreciate about this person.
   

4. Do not assume you already know what the final solution to the issue should be. Stay open to flow and change. 
   

5. Once you attach yourself to being right about your position you block yourself to openly listening for new information. From this stuck place all you are looking to hear are things that confirm your righteousness. 
   

6. Let the person know that even if you are not presently in agreement your preference is to work together to find a satisfying solution. 
   

7. Ask for love’s intuitional guidance on how to respond to the situation without passively collapsing and giving your power away / and without aggressively attempting to take the other person’s power away. Ask for clarity on how everyone affected (including yourself) can be served in the best way possible. 
   

8. Give each other a set amount of time to share your position with absolutely no interruptions. Stick with stating your position. Do not get into attacking the other person’s position. When the other person is sharing listen as openly as you can. Sincerely thank them for sharing. Even if you do not agree with all that they shared – you now have a better understanding of where they are coming from – that is worth being thankful for.
   

9. Stick to the issue at hand. A conflict can remind us of other issues that are unresolved. Now that the door is opened it is tempting to bring in all the ‘dirty laundry’. Slipping in other issues tends to side track both parties and can lead to overwhelm and feelings of pointlessness. Focus on one issue at a time. 
   

10. Be vulnerable enough to state what you are afraid of if the solution does not go in the direction you hope for. Uncovering fear helps, as withheld fear feeds the power that fear has over us. Fear typically gives ‘bad’ advice.
    

11. Let go of any attachment to reaching an agreement. No matter how skillfully you personally approach a conflict you do not get to dictate whether the other person wants to approach it with loving intention or not. Your job is to approach it with as much integrity as you can muster. If the results are not what you hoped, be willing to feel your disappointment. Do not be tempted to keep pushing for agreement just because you are in resistance to feeling your disappointment and/or grief about not getting what you had hoped for.
    

12. If no satisfactory resolution is reached and you are both willing to take more steps, you can invite in a third party (that cares for you both equally) to help facilitate the process. 
    

13. The solutions to some conflicts require an extended amount of time to reach. Let go of any attachment to a quick solution and celebrate each step you do make.

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